Well that is the first quarter of 2021 gone – yes already you say!! With time, life and everything else speeding by, we – well I do more often than not – sometimes just need to remember what the Rules of Life really are:

1. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance! “Every day above ground is a good day!”

2. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, “Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?”

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are “I apologize” and “you are right.”

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.

6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her — believe them.

7. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.

8. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

9. Work is good, but it’s not that important. Money is nice, but you can’t take it with you. Statistics show most people don’t live to spend all they saved; some die even before they retire. Anything we have isn’t really ours; it was given to us by God; She just let us borrow it while we’re here…. even our kids.

10. Be assured that most of your problems will disappear by themselves if you don’t get too attached to them.

11. Worry is a misuse of the imagination.

12. The wonderful thing about the game of life is that winning and losing are illusions. They are terms that humans created to help us play the game of life by the rules we also created.

I need to keep reminding myself of rules 1, 2, 11 and 12. Which ones resonate with you?

It really is amazing how we are all taught about hygiene and physical first aid – you know what to do when your hands are dirty before handling food, or when someone has scrapped their knee, all the way to CPR – yet we are never trained or educated in providing emotional first aid for our thoughts and feelings such as how to handle stress, negative environments, difficult relationships and so on.

As our thoughts and feelings control so much of our daily existence, it makes sense to learn some emotional first aid.

In this article I want to start with those pesky negative thoughts and emotions. You know the ones that won’t go away and keep going around in your head!

There are times for all of us when we experience anger, grief, anxiety, stress, remorse, embarrassment or any of the range of negative emotions. Life is not always easy and in those trying times we struggle mentally with our thoughts and emotions, trying to talk our way out of them, or possibly trying to distract ourselves with activities or trying to drown it out with food, or drink or something even stronger.

Interestingly all these paths perpetuate negativity in the long run. So what can you do? How can you stop those negative thoughts and feelings?

How about instead of trying to suppress them, you turn your attention inwards?

I use this great little 4 step process to help deal with negative thoughts and emotions. It is called RAIN.

RAIN stands for –

R Recognise

A Allow

I investigate

N Non-identification

Recognise

The first step is to recognise and name what is happening and what you are feeling. “I am feeling stressed” or “I am feeling overwhelmed”. Stop for a moment and tune into the present moment of what is happening in your body and mind – the thoughts, the emotions, the sensations. Don’t inhibit what is happening, or suppress it, or ignore it or try to conquer it. Instead develop an attitude of open curiosity and acceptance.

Acknowledge that the emotion is there.

By recognising and naming what you are feeling you are giving yourself the space to care for yourself.

Allow

The acknowledgement and acceptance of your feelings and thoughts provides a sense of permission to allow life to be just as it is. Allowing doesn’t mean we have to like the situation however it does soften or drop our mental resistance to what is happening. You can embrace or hold the feeling in your awareness, which in turn can calm and soothe you.

This step is so important as we generally have an unconscious impulse to push away, suppress or ignore difficult emotions. When we engage in this inner struggle we unwittingly create more suffering and tension.

By allowing yourself to accept your present emotions and thoughts without judgment, you will almost immediately have a sense of softening and ease around the emotion, as you will have created a mental space around it. You are now witnessing your emotion rather than being enmeshed by it.

This is then an act of self-compassion.

Investigate

Now that you are calmer and allowing yourself to sit with whatever negative thought or emotion you may be experiencing, you can ask yourself questions like “Why do I feel this way?” “Where did this feeling come from?” “What is it that I really need?”

Ask what event may have triggered the feeling. Or are there physical factors such as lack of sleep. It may be that particular kinds of thoughts were the cause – worrying about something or someone, ruminating over a comment a colleague made last week, and so on. You may also find that you have particular values or beliefs of how things should be that may have contributed to your negative feelings.

By asking these questions and investigating where the negativity comes from, we can develop a truly insightful relationship with our emotions and thoughts. And as time goes by, we can even resolve and dissolve some of the negative thoughts or emotions.

Non-Identification

This step is the simple realisation that you are not your mind or your emotions. You are the awareness that lies beneath every thought, emotion and sense perception.

Non-identification means that you are truly not defined by your thoughts and emotions. This brings a sense of freedom and ease, and at the heart of it all a sense of peace.

Remember that no matter how intense or painful the emotional storm, there is always a part of you, which is still, silent and untouched.

The RAIN method can be used anytime you feel stressed, overwhelmed, or out of touch. It helps to centre you during challenging times.

As Eckhart Tolle said, “Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists”.

To learn more about the RAIN method, read the works of Tara Brach such as http://www.mindful.org/tara-brach-rain-mindfulness-practice/. Tara Brach is a clinical psychologist and author of “True Refuge: Finding Peace & Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart.”

 

 

 

Are you pursing the goals that matter most to you?

Are you satisfied with your level of success?

Are you glad to be where you are in life?

Are you playing YOUR own game or are you playing someone else’s game?

Everything seems hard. We are all busy and we are all tired. We all don’t have enough money. We all know someone who says we can’t or that we would never make it. And then we are worried with what comes next. Are these excuses familiar to you?

What about these –

• Fear of change
• Fear of failure
• Fear of not being good enough
• Waiting for something to happen
• Perfectionism
• Being overwhelmed with all that you have to do
• Not knowing how

 

Well guess what – there is a battle going on….. and it is between your ears!!

Don’t surrender!

While your fears may be real they are not good enough reasons for inaction. Your biggest work is in front of you.

One of the most powerful, definitely frightening, and certainly most challenging actions we can take is to be fully responsible for who we are, how we behave and how we want to live our life.

It’s so much easier to blame others when things go wrong, when you get angry, upset or fearful when nothing seems to go right. When your boss avoids you, your partner abuses you or your family puts you down. But how would it be if you could take control – and turn this around? Powerful? – yes, and it’s all in your hands.

So here are some tips to help you overcome your excuses.  They are not in any particular order. Some are quick solutions and others take work –

 

• Identify your goal and embrace it. Use this question as a start. What do you want the change to look like? How will that give your life meaning? Think about it – even go for a walk to reflect on it.

 

• Create the space – even a small space (or time) to make a change.

 

• Be accountable to someone while surrounding yourself with others making similar changes themselves.

 

• Get help and insight to uncover and understand the core of the fear that is holding you back.

 

• Take small steps that will move you forward. Movement begets movement. Now take another small step…… and change is created.

 

I find that most of my clients have difficulty addressing their fears because, in the end, it might show how vulnerable they really feel. However if we don’t understand what is holding us back how can we then create the lives we truly desire.

You know by letting any of your worries (also known as fears) out into the light and talking about it with someone who understands, it becomes a whole lot easier to see the situation or issue for what it really is.

Just venting can make a huge difference to your perspective.

If you don’t have anyone to talk to at the moment write it out. It means you get your issue out of your head, clarify your thoughts and find clarity in the small steps available to you to move forward.

Choose to no longer go along with the ride. It is your turn to drive. Choose your own route and own what comes of it.

It is really time to decide what you intend to do next and what the next few years will mean to you. Self leadership is all about leading the life you want, while energised for success!

 

About the Author

For over 25 years Babette Bensoussan has served as an advisor to organisations and business leaders around the world. A recognised global authority on Competitive Intelligence, and one of the most published authors and well-regarded speakers in her field, Babette brings valuable insights to entrepreneurs, business leaders and senior executives.

If you want some support to overcome your fear or just want to touch base, email me today!

It is the end of the year so we thought we should point out three of the most common yet most harmful practices in decision-making in business that you should keep in mind – especially if you are looking to make plans for 2017 over the coming months.

1. Casual Benchmarking: People tend to copy the most visible, and obvious business practices of a competitive organisation without understanding the underlying purpose behind it. Few companies undertake the research and analysis to have a thorough understanding of the reasoning behind a strategy  – is it the best strategy to improve your organisation’s performance? What would the possible downsides be? And how could you do it more effectively?

2. Doing what has worked in the past: Be careful to understand exactly why a strategy was successful previously. Is it relevant to the issue at hand, and is this strategy the best practice to resolve the current situation? Be aware not to confuse success in spite of an action as opposed to success because of an action.

3. Following deeply held but unproven beliefs: This happens when management believes something will work or that it matches some assumptions that are held about what makes organisations successful. These assumptions or beliefs will resist change and affect judgements and choices, regardless of whether or not they are true. Check whether your decisions are relying on intuition, personal or group beliefs or influencers who may have other agendas in play.

Avoiding these pitfalls can lead to competitive advantage and clear direction setting in the most difficult of times.

I’m regularly astounded by the lack of process of many businesses when evaluating and developing good strategy.

I see businesses focusing their attention on the inside of their business, on their goals, leaving them little time to focus on the outside world, and their strategy.

This month I’ve reflected on the importance of looking outside, at your stakeholders – identifying who they are, understanding what you want from them, and knowing what they want from you.

Graham Kenny, my friend and colleague, wrote an article for The Harvard Business Review some years ago, which provided a simple step-by-step process to ensure you build a smart strategy aimed at achieving your business goals, and a competitive advantage.

A List of Goals is Not a Strategy

How many times have you sat with your management team or employees to develop your company, or department strategy only to find that you end up with a great list of generalised goals or objectives that include such things as:

• % sales growth,
• % profitability increase,
• Become more competitive in existing markets,
• Expand into new markets and regions.

There is nothing wrong with the list itself, in fact it’s a great list of what you might call goals, or key performance indicators (KPI’s) – however it’s certainly not a strategy, and won’t help you to ensure the long-term survival or prosperity of your organisation.

Rather than focusing on a narrow set of KPI’s and developing solutions that feed those metrics, stand back and take a broader, more holistic view of the competitive arena and organisational situation.

1. Identify which stakeholders you depend on for success.

Set time aside to identify the stakeholders (customers, suppliers, employees, shareholders etc) who are key to the long-term survival and success of your company. Without them, you have no organisation. So ensuring you satisfy them is crucial to your continued success.

2. Recognise what you want from your stakeholders.

Rather than launching straight into what you need to do for stakeholders such as customers, employees, suppliers etc, it’s important to stop and consider first what you want from these stakeholders. Remember as an executive, board member or CEO, your obligation is to act in the best interests of your company.

By understanding what you want, you will be able to identify more easily your objectives. Ie if you’re looking for sales and revenue growth, then that is going to come from your customers, where as productivity and innovation, or customer service will come from your employees etc.

This process will allow you to design meaningful strategies to get what you need from each stakeholder group.

3. Recognise what your stakeholders want from you. 

 When managers and their teams go too quickly into problem solving mode, they make assumptions about what their stakeholders want. As a result they end up with products and services that don’t sell.

If you want to achieve a competitive advantage, you must understand those things that your stakeholders want from you – and excel at them. Which leads me to the final point.

 4. Deliver the things that your stakeholders want – differently.

 In order to create a competitive advantage, you will need to excel at delivering what your stakeholders want from you, AND do so in a way that is different from your competitors. Once you know what you will do differently, and why it is of value to your stakeholder you can clearly define your strategy and build your brand around it.

Some ways to determine your point of difference:

• Evaluate your competition and rate yourself and your direct competitors based on operational efficiency (price), product leadership and customer intimacy.
• Identify areas where your competition is vulnerable and determine whether you can focus on those vulnerable areas.
• Identify your key strengths and how they can be enhanced.
• Evaluate what you want to be ‘known for’ in the future and design a long-term strategy to achieve it.

 

Reference: A List of Goals is Not a Strategy by Graham Kenny, published in the Harvard Business Review, November 19, 2014.

 

Every day you make choices. Those choices create your actions. Your actions become your habits. And your habits define your life.

Below are some wonderful suggestions to get you started in developing good habits in your daily life, and to kick start positive change. You can always start any day, any time, a new habit. After all each moment in your life is new.

Work

• Turn off your phone after hours – or one day per week. Let the important people know what you are doing, and ways to contact you in an emergency.
• Check your emails only twice daily and let people know this in your email signature. This is what I do!
• Have a clear agenda for all meetings, and set a time frame, both of which you communicate to the other participants. Practice this, until it works for you.
• Have all participants turn off their mobiles so the focus stays on the meeting.
• Start having “walking meetings”, especially when discussing a difficult topic – you’d be surprised how much easier it is to walk and talk, and the effect it can have on your relationships.
• Do not email first thing in the morning or last thing at night. Make first thing in the morning your productive time, and switch off at night for a better sleep. Plan your emails taking this into account.

Personal

• Turn off your mobile phone when out with friends – and get your friends to do the same. The focus should be on your time together.
• Say “no” when something doesn’t suit or you don’t have the time to commit. Do it thoughtfully and offer alternatives.
• Spend 30 minutes a day doing something for you – walking, reading a book, listening to music, whatever makes you feel good. Let everyone else know this is your time and you are not to be disturbed.
• Start a gratitude journal – and write three things per day that you are grateful for.
• De-clutter your life: select one task a week and do it! Do a before and after review to be clear in your mind what you have achieved.

Do you have difficulty creating new habits and sticking with your goals? Click here to get a complimentary one-on-one coaching session. This is limited to the first 5 people who book.

In my experience, most companies and organisations tend to track what their competitors are currently doing. However you can’t really make a sound business decision about the future intentions of a competitor based on what has occurred in the past or on what they are currently doing. We all know that the way we operate today is not the same as how we operated a year ago – so why should a competitor be any different?

We need to uncover where they plan to go in the future.  Will you be taking sales from them or will they be taking sales from you – next quarter, next year or even two years from now?

To get a good grasp on your competitors’ real intentions, you need to delve a little more deeply.

SO HERE ARE SEVEN TIPS TO HELP YOU MONITOR YOUR COMPETITORS:

1. BUY THEIR PRODUCT
Always buy your competitor’s product, if possible, to determine their sales process and get on their mailing list to see future promotions. The relatively small price you pay for their product will pay for itself many times over in the knowledge you gain by finding out what they are doing and how they are doing it.

2. AUDIT THEIR WEBSITE
Drop by your competitors’ websites and compare their sites to your own. To go the extra mile, select Tools from the Microsoft Internet Explorer toolbar (if you are using Microsoft) and then “Show Related Links”. Here, you may uncover other companies, doing the same thing or in the same business. Changes to a website can also say a lot about a company. TimelyWeb, by EldoS (www.eldos.org), has several ways of notifying you when page changes occur, including via e-mail.

3. GET THEIR GOSSIP FROM YOUR SALES PEOPLE, DISCUSSION GROUPS, ETC.
Numerous discussion groups are the bars and pubs of the internet, where individuals meet online by sending emails to like-minded people. One of the popular ways to hunt through newsgroups is with Google Groups. Simply type in the subject you are interested in to sort through the web’s 20,000 Usenet discussion groups.  LinkedIn is also pretty good.  And remember to speak to your sales people, customers, distributors, suppliers, industry consultants, industry associations, journalists – to just name a few.

4. CHECK OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS
Is your competitor expanding? Is he or she going in a new direction? You might get a clue through help-wanted advertising. These listings can tell you more about what your competitor is planning.

5. READ UP ON PLANS AND FINANCES
Drop by your industry association’s Internet site. You may find additional information about a member who is your competitor. Perhaps they were interviewed for the association’s website or publication. If your competitor is a large publicly listed organisation, it is required under Australian law to file quarterly and annual financial reports and announce any activities that are likely to be of investor interest (that is have an influence on the share price).

6. ENGAGE A MONITORING SERVICE
By paying for an online monitoring service, such as eWatch, you can outsource the hassle of monitoring domain names, URLs, newsgroups, and websites for activity by your competitors. However, it will cost. Most online companies offer free trials so you can compare them before you commit. Clipping services, such as Media Monitors, provide a daily fax-stream of articles on chosen companies (or search terms).

7. HIRE A ‘BIG GUN’
With so much information available, competitive intelligence consultancies can help a company define what information will genuinely assist their business objectives. They can provide strategies to help a company collect, monitor and, most importantly, analyse information to deliver the necessary insights/intelligence.

Understanding what your competitors intend to do in your market is not hard.  It may cost you time, effort and budget in the first instance…….or you could compare that cost to potential market share loss, sales lost and customer shrinkage.  Can you afford not to understand your competitors?